I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
