i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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