Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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