you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
