it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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