So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
