You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
