No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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