I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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