I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
