I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
