ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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