He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
