well you can't waste a boner
this boner is exhausting
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
