so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
