Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
