OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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