I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
