he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
