i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
