yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
