I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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