I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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