I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The Olympian is in my bed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
