Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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