i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
