i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
