Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
