I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
