is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
