i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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