Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
