yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
