I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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