I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
