When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
