Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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