He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
