god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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