If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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