i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
