WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
