idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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