The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
