Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
