I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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