There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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