Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
