In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
