Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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