You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
