either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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