What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize