mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize