Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
