I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
