Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
