I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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