remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
