where does the pee come out of this thing
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
