Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
