Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
