Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
