like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
