ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
