I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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